Cherry Blossom Woes

Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m living in a blur. The weeks tumble into each other, and when the weekend finally arrives, instead of feeling like a breath of fresh air, it just feels… blank. I used to do a photoshoot or a little activity on several weekends throughout the month. But now, even the thought of planning a shoot or going out for the day feels exhausting. 

Sometimes, it feels like I’m battling my inner demons on the weekends. Spring has arrived, and the beautiful pink cherry blossoms were finally in bloom, yet my anxiety was overwhelming on this day. Nevertheless, I realized I’d regret not going to see them, so I gave myself a gentle push: you don’t have to overdo it, but at least visit the Brooklyn Botanic Gardens. I lacked the energy to go anywhere else, but I knew I had to make the effort because it would be healing for me. 

It’s not that I don’t want to, but something has shifted. If I’m being honest, I think the constant flood of news—bad news, overwhelming news, never-ending news—has drained me. There’s this quiet heaviness that follows me around. Scrolling through headlines each morning feels like bracing for impact. Another disaster, another crisis, another thing to worry about. Even when I put the phone down, it lingers.

The first quarter of the year was also overwhelming. This isn’t new, but it doesn’t help matters. With nonstop deadlines, constant mental juggling, and barely any opportunity to catch my breath, I find myself drained by the time the weekend arrives. The mere thought of making plans or stepping outside feels impossible. Now, with summer approaching, my least favorite season, it feels like I’m trapped in a cycle of depression. 

The hot, sticky weather, the blinding sunlight, and the pressure to “enjoy the season” while I’m just trying to survive each day weigh heavily on me. The heat feels suffocating, and rather than experiencing a sense of freedom, I feel more trapped in my own skin. It’s difficult to explain how a vibrant season can bring so much gloom for me. I genuinely wish my busy work season coincided with summer so I wouldn’t be stuck in this cycle of disappointment.

And so the weight of all this appears in unexpected ways. I’m not making any plans. I haven’t practiced with my camera and have hardly done any photoshoots. I lack a vacation to look forward to because I can’t afford it. I keep telling myself I’ll try again next weekend, but when it arrives, all I want is to rest. It's not a restorative kind of rest, more of a retreat, pulling away because I simply don’t have the energy anymore.

This isn’t a post with a neat ending. I don’t have a solution or a pep talk. I just wanted to say it out loud. If you’ve been feeling like this too, like the world is too loud and you’ve gone a little quiet in response, you’re not alone. I think a lot of us are burnt out in ways we haven’t fully processed yet.

I’m still holding out hope that this is just a season. That one day soon, I’ll wake up and feel that familiar spark again. Maybe I’ll plan a photoshoot. Perhaps I’ll step outside and feel curious again, not just tired.

But for now, I’m giving myself grace. And if you’re in the same place, I hope you do too.