I want freedom to manifest the life that will bring me the most happiness, and not create one that only appeases society’s social norms. I’ve never strived for monumental goals. I’ve only ever wanted different experiences in life. Whether that be viewing NYC from different angles. Flower fields on Long Island. Visiting a different city, state, or country. Exploring decrepit, haunted places. Wrestling shows. Concerts. Conventions. Photoshoots. Success through money, power and a career has never been a moving factor in my life. It’s not my ambition.
Battling societal norms has definitely been a constant theme in my thirties, but I’ve also had quite the struggles in my life. There were many lessons I had to learn the hard way. I promise you, when you enter your thirties, you’ll look back at your twenties and cringe, but it’s okay, we’re all humans. Here’s what I learned along the way…
Be there for yourself.
People are not always capable of being there for you in the ways you need. I’ve noticed the majority of people aren’t good listeners. They’re extremely judgmental and insensitive. I mean, it still shocks me how apathetic and close-minded people can be. And sometimes, their advice is unbelievably tone deaf because they cannot or refuse to understand what you’re going through. I don’t fault my family and friends for this. We’re all just trying to get through life one day at a time. However, it makes it hard to open up to anyone when their responses are tactless. I’ve learned it’s important to show up for yourself, and be the emotional support that you need when you can’t receive it from someone else. You can’t always rely on people to be what you need them to be. At the end of the day, all you have is YOU, so take care of yourself.
Don’t ignore red flags.
That bad feeling you have in the pit of your stomach is there for a reason. Don’t waste your precious time around people that exhibit alarming behaviors. People show their true colors pretty early on in your relationship with them, so don’t stick around to allow yourself to be disrespected.
Sometimes you don’t get what you want in life because you deserve better.
Even when you know your worth, you still ignore it sometimes. The universe has a funny way of working in your best interest though. Situations where you find yourself being undervalued, don’t work out for a reason. That job I thought I was destined to be at resulted in me being laid off. That relationship in which I had hoped to find my soulmate ended in shambles. It was the universe’s way of saying none of this was meant for you. You deserve better.
The wrong people will have you believing there’s something wrong with you.
There will be relationships in your life, whether it be with a significant other, a friend or a family member, that will never work out. You can’t force a puzzle piece to fit into a space it doesn’t belong no matter how hard you try. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. You will find the people in your life that will love and care for you wholeheartedly. Wanting mutual love and respect from someone is not asking for too much, but you’ll realize not everyone is capable of giving that to you.
It’s OKAY to change your mind.
Our beliefs are ever-changing. It’s okay to change your mind once you’ve been presented with new information. It’s essential to your growth to make informed assessments on your own without the influence of others. If you don’t, are you even evolving as a person? It’s important to educate yourself on past history that has been taught to you in rose-colored glasses. It’s also important to unlearn the harmful Ideologies you’ve been taught at a young age. I feel like I’ve gone through cycles throughout my life where I’ve shed my skin and emerged a more informed, thoughtful, and empathetic person.
Sometimes, you’re the bad guy.
All of our perceptions of certain situations are different. You’re going to be the villain in someone else’s story whether you feel it’s justified or not. Make peace with that. There is a version of your past self out there that still lingers in someone’s mind. Make peace with that. Not everyone is going to know the most updated and improved version of yourself. We all make mistakes in life, it’s how we learn and grow as a person.
Don’t settle for the life you don’t want.
There’s no time limit to anything in life no matter what people want to tell you. You’re not too old to do anything. Once you subscribe to such ignorant rhetoric, you begin living such a mundane life. Also, stop your “I'll sleep when I’m dead” bullshit. What is the point of being on this Earth if you’re just going to work your life away? You’re doing this for paper. Money isn’t real. STOP. Take in the moment. Spend time with loved ones no matter how busy you get. Stop hustling and start LIVING.
Aging doesn’t always involve hard lessons, there are also hard truths. I’m noticing I’m getting older in other ways… lol. My favorite movies came out 30-40 years ago, and there are kids out there who have never seen them. I have no idea how to interpret the vocabulary of teenagers and young adults. I’m finding gray strands in my hair. You see Facebook friends on their second divorce. I’m too old to be watching the reality shows I’m still watching. I've started to say “these damn kids and their music.” I mean, all my favorite bands are from the 90s. I cringe and have flashbacks seeing Gen Z wear Y2K fashion. I’m realizing it’s crucial to wear sunscreen and have a consistent skincare routine as I see wrinkles in the mirror and think I need Botox for the first time in my life.
Is this what 35 is like? Being older, but not realizing how old you really are. No one talks about the awkward phase of reconciling that you’re no longer young, in your twenties, and now closer to your forties. Yet, here I am, still dressing youthful, running off to Disney every year as a childless millennial without a clear direction in sight. Maybe this isn’t your 35, but it’s definitely MY 35.
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