Galentines!

I’m glad Valentine’s Day has become more than just a holiday for lovers. Not that it wasn’t before. My mom used to give my siblings and me Russell Stover’s chocolates every year, and we’d hand out those tiny Valentine’s cards to everyone in elementary school. I still love those little traditions today, even though I’m not a kid anymore. But lately, the holiday feels different.

There was a time when Valentine’s Day felt heavy. When it centered mostly around romantic love, it could be quietly devastating. I’d sit with a small, private jealousy watching couples celebrate, wondering why it was taking me so long to find my person. And then there was the opposite experience: being in a long relationship that was anything but loving. Being with someone who couldn’t even attempt the bare minimum didn’t exactly inspire holiday cheer. There was never any effort to celebrate the day. There was always some other commitment that somehow took priority over me. Looking back now, I mostly roll my eyes and laugh. Some people swear they’re the victim when all they do is treat people horribly and then act surprised when people don't want to be around them.

I’d rather be single than spend Valentine’s Day with someone like that. I don’t think people talk about that enough. Valentine’s Day can sting in the same way Christmas can when what’s missing feels louder than what’s present. Sometimes I wish people had more empathy for that. Some people are bitter for a reason. Not everyone gets the fairy tale of ending up with someone who truly loves them. Some of us have to face true heartbreak in life. I’m grateful to be past that chapter of my life.

Now Valentine’s Day feels like something bigger than just romantic love. It’s become a whole season of celebrating the people who make life meaningful from Valloween to little dates with Danny to Galentine’s with the girls. It’s a time where I feel genuinely thankful to be surrounded by unconditional love. And I’m especially thankful for that foundation this year, because this Valentine’s feels different in another way, too.

I have so much love inside of me for my brother, but nowhere for it to go. Grief has been living quietly in the background of my life. It follows me everywhere, like an uninvited guest that never fully leaves. It doesn’t always speak loudly, but it’s always there. Still, celebrating Galentine’s reminds me that even when you’re carrying something heavy, you’re still allowed to have joy.

It was exactly what I needed. Getting dressed up for a beautiful Valentine’s high tea with scones, finger sandwiches, and tiny desserts stacked delicately on trays. Laughing with my friends. Teasing Danny because he’s not a true tea girlie, as he complains about the portion sizes. LOL. Taking Valentine’s photos in front of my favorite decorated stoop on the Upper East Side. For a few hours, life felt light.

I’m proud of myself for getting to a place where I can show up for moments like that again. Though I’ll admit there’s still guilt living inside me, a quiet voice that wonders how I can look forward to small joys when someone I loved so deeply is no longer here. Grief has a way of making you want to cancel plans and stay in bed. But this time, I showed up. And I’m so glad I did.

I wanted to embrace love this year because grief has shown me how limited time really is. It’s not a cliché when people say grief changes you... it truly does. It makes love feel more precious, more fragile. It makes you realize how important it is to hold onto the people you have while you still can. It’s okay for me to sit alone with the pain. But it’s also okay to sit with the love and support of others and let that soften it.

Galentine’s felt like a reminder that friendship is its own kind of love story. These are the girls who text, “Did you get home safe?” The ones who hype you up when you’re feeling blah. The ones who let you vent one minute and make you laugh the next. It was a nice day. It was pink and red and full of sweetness. Grief still waits for me when I come home. Maybe I’ll cry, even after a beautiful day, because it still hurts to live in a world without someone I love. That’s the strange balance of grief that I'm still getting used to. But for a few hours, I just got to be a girl with her friends.

And that mattered. 💗