Sign of the Times

I think I have social media fatigue. Every time I’m on Instagram I just feel a wide range of negative emotions. Annoyed. Angry. Tired. Jaded. Anxious. I hate everyone and everything. I know, in reality, I’m just burnt out by the current state of our country. How much trauma can Americans endure before we completely lose it? This shouldn’t be normal, but yet it’s our reality everyday. Every time I pick up my phone, another atrocity is occurring. 

It was the shooter at the 36th Street train station in Brooklyn that was too close to for comfort. It was the 19 children that got mutilated by bullets while police officers did nothing while they were being brutally murdered by a 18-year old male that had no business being in possession of an AR-15. It was the Supreme Court overturning Roe v. Wade, stripping the rights of people who can become pregnant by taking away our liberty to body autonomy and basic healthcare, reducing us to nothing more than a birthing vessel. It was six Supreme Justices giving more freedom to guns than actual humans. It was an unarmed Black man getting shot 60 times as he ran from police officers. It was another young white male massacring people at a Fourth of July parade, killing seven people and injuring dozens. Does it get any more American than this?

I’m over the cringy political reels from both the left and the right. I can’t take liberals telling people to go vote. It’s like the conservative’s version of thoughts and prayers. Yes, voting is important, but more needs to be done. I can’t even view basic posts from people without thinking who really cares at this point. I don’t know how people can stomach posting all day long like nothing is happening. I get life goes on, but it’s sickening. I also can’t comprehend how people continue reading horrible news over and over again. I want to keep up with the news, but I really can’t deal with social media right now.

I know, I sound extremely bitchy lol, and that is why I need to limit my time on social media. Everything is so fake and curated on social media that I don’t even care to post photos anymore. I’ve barely taken any pictures this year, which is fine. I told myself not to do shoots unless I was creatively motivated and excited to do so. In recent photoshoots, I look so lost and uninspired. I need to stop doing content just to have content, and to only create when I have a clear vision in mind. I mean, nobody sees your posts anyway on IG as the platform slowly turns into Tik Tok lol, so might as well do what speaks to me instead of forcing myself to be active. It all circles back to me being completely exhausted by social media in general.

I’ve been having these bouts of anxiety, so much so, that I’ve started redirecting my energy elsewhere. I’ve set my screen time for Facebook and IG to 25 minutes a day. I don’t know why I set it for Facebook because honestly, I hate it and I want to delete my account already lol. I poke fun at Danny for still writing statuses on there. I told him he’s basically the ‘old man yells at cloud’ meme. I noticed this method of managing my social media fatigue correlated to my survival strategies for my real-life exhaustion from social interaction. There are weekends were I quite literally can’t bring myself to leave the house. So, I listen to my mind and body. I don’t exert myself too much because I know if I do, I’ll likely fall apart mentally. 

Redirecting my energy can be a cause of concern though. I decided very recently that I need to go on an Alaskan Cruise like yesterday. The plan was to book a Norwegian Cruise like a responsible adult because Disney was too expensive. So, here I am with a cruise already booked for next year on the Disney Wonder. I spiral hard. I can’t fight my stubbornness, so I’m not sure why I try. I was always going to see Mickey in his Alaskan outfit. It makes me happy though, and my energy has been focused here. Since I had already planned out my Disneyland trip this year including outfits, I needed another adventure to conquer. LOL.

Hopefully, seeing my nephew and going on a mini adventure to Philly at the end of the month clears my mind and anxiety.

Photo by Vutha